I’ve been learning about joy, about joy in God, the kind of joy that comes from God. I don’t mean happiness but a real joy that transcends circumstances. God has been teaching me about himself and the relationship He wants to have with me, about the kind of interactions and conversations He wants to have with me.
A few weeks ago I was in a moment, in a place where I just wanted to enjoy the moment and I just wanted to spend it soaking up all of Gods presence I could. For some reason, I felt that I kept missing it or couldn’t let go. So I just began to shed off, name all off the stuff, that I was dragging into this perfect moment. There were so many anxieties, regrets, inadequacies, and insecurities that I stopped counting.
I realize now that I spend so much of my time either thinking about my past or my future. I am usually either tangled up in regrets or in the throws of anxiety. Instead of relishing the present I am rehashing my mistakes, beating myself up for what could’ve been or be fretting about what I should be instead, what might happen, where I am not enough. I was missing the opportunity, the invitation for joy that God was extending me so many times during my day. I couldn’t just stay in the present for a moment because I was too busy being discontent and critical.
But God is calling to us, waiting for us. He wants to show us how much He enjoys us, enjoys spending time with us when we let our hearts be open and vulnerable to Him. When our guards go down and our strivings, anxieties cease to take precedence in our mind, there we can find joy, can find God waiting to embrace us. There we find our Father waiting to rejoice, celebrate with us. I am the prodigal. And I need to daily embrace the father who is standing with open arms, waiting to celebrate the love He has for me.